Teaser #3: Confessions of an Alli Cat

23 Oct

Rawwrrrr, folks!  It’s time for another teaser from the first book of the Cougar Chronicles:  Confessions of an Alli Cat.   And yes.  That was my impression of a cougar’s roar.  I also found cute little cougar pawprints to use while texting.  I’m driving my friends crazy.  I answer everything with cougar paws. Hehe.  I’m easily amused.

But anyway.

Gearing up for the release on Sunday (yayyyyy!), here is the third teaser for Confessions of an Alli Cat.  This excerpt shows Alli and her devil of a BFF, Sara, at lunch.    I should remind you that this book is not YA.  It has adult content and themes, so if you’re not a mature adult, you probably shouldn’t continue reading this excerpt.

I lean over my turkey club and shove my face into hers.  She’s startled for a second, but then she peers into mine, her eyes staring into my own.

“What exactly am I looking for?” she asks as she examines me.

“My crow’s feet,” I answer.  “How bad are they?  Rick the Dick was at my house this weekend and among other things, he mentioned that I have horrible crow’s feet.  Do I?”

She turns my face to and fro in the light.

“They’re there,” she announces. “But they’re not horrible.  Rick is a dick.  Obviously.  You’re thirty-five.  You’re going to have laugh lines.  We laugh a lot. It’s unavoidable.”

Sara picks her sandwich back up and chomps on it, unconcerned.

“Is it?” I answer thoughtfully, staring into space.  “Have you ever tried Botox?”

Sara almost chokes and I whomp her on her back.  I briefly remember the Brazilian wax incident and whomp a little harder than necessary.  Then I smile evilly. Whomping her thin little back is surprisingly satisfying.

“Are you serious?” she chokes out, wiping her mouth on a napkin as she shoves my hand away.  “You’re not getting Botox.  You know what that is, right?  It’s the bacteria that causes botulism.  It’s a freaking toxin.”

“Oh, I know,” I tell her.  “And I’m not getting Botox.  We are.”

She chokes again.

“No.  If you think that… no.”  She stares at me as firmly as she can, looking down her skinny nose at me.  Her short red hair looks like it has even raised up in mutiny against me, as well.  I smile.

“Oh, yes,” I tell her.  “I dated a gigolo, had sex with the gigolo, bought a sex toy and had a Brazilian wax.  All at your behest.  And I have to admit, those were good ideas.  You’re going to have to concede that sometimes I have good ideas too. I’m pretty sure that this is one of those times.”

She is stammering now.  Utterly speechless.  I’m definitely going to have to mark this on the calendar.

“But… but… botulism is a bacteria.  Injected into my face!  That’s different than…”

“Different than a stranger’s penis injected into my vagina?” I ask innocently. Sara all but sputters.

“No, but you liked it!”

“Of course I liked it!” I stare at her like she’s grown two heads. “That penis is attached to a perfect twenty-something body.  And I’m sure that you will like the Botox, as well.  You’ve got crow’s feet too, you know. I’ve never wanted to say anything before.  But you might as well know.  We could both use an age-eraser. And that’s exactly what Botox is.  And supposedly, it doesn’t even hurt.”

“You’re the devil,” Sara announces as she cleans up her lunch trash.

“Irrelevant,” I answer sweetly, throwing her words from the other day back at her.  “And you’re a devil, too.  That’s why we love each other so much.   I’ll make the appointment.”

“I can’t do it tonight,” she snaps. “I have Spinning.”

“That’s fine,” I say soothingly. “I’m sure they have openings for tomorrow night.”

Sara flounces off, but not before glaring at me a couple of times for good measure.  She turns and flips me off with both hands when she’s halfway to her car.  Both hands—because she means business.  I laugh and the elderly lady sitting next to us gasps.

I lean over. “I’m sorry about that, m’am.”

But I’m really not.  It feels good to get one over on Sara for once in my life.  It’s been a long time coming.

*******

Please watch for Confessions of an Alli Cat to release on Sunday, October 28th.  (THIS Sunday).

Also, the lovely Autumn from Autumn Review has posted an early review of Alli’s story on her adult blog, Autumn After Dark.  Check it out!  :)

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