Okay, so my friend Wren Emerson did a post and a Listopia list of her irrational fears the other day, which I thought was cool. And then yesterday, I went to the lake and faced a couple of my irrational fears, so I thought that I would write a post about them, too. Yes, I know. Very random and unwriter-ly. But it’s Monday and I’ve only had ONE cup of coffee so far, so cut me some slack.
My irrational fears:
- Topping this list by far and away is my crippling fear of buoys. Oh, yes, I said buoys… the dingy, nasty things that float on the water. YUCK. I have no idea why I am scared of them, but I can tell you that if I get anywhere close to them, I get instantly hysterical. This includes the floating line that stretches across the swimming pool. I know. I’m a nut. I can’t help it. This fear also encompasses pretty much anything that floats in the water… floating logs/sticks, beach balls, BOATS, etc. Which is very strange, because I like to ride in boats or on tubes, but there is NO WAY in this world that I could swim up to a boat or a tube floating in the water. NO WAY. I think I would rather drown.
- Second biggest fear is birds. Any birds. I think they are probably the spawn of satan with their flat black eyes and sharp beaks and they always seem to fly directly at your face. So, no thank you on the birds. Although, I’m not scared of owls. My son pointed out to me yesterday that I’m incredibly weird for not being afraid of something that can rotate its head 360 degrees, but I’m scared of every other aviary creature on the planet. So be it, I’m weird.
- Wren and I share a weird fear– I don’t like to hang my feet over the edge of the bed- because somewhere, deep down, I’m afraid that someone is hiding under my bed and is going to jump up and slash through my achilles tendons.
- Black toilet seats. I have no idea why, but I have had this fear ever since I was a little girl. They scare me.
- And speaking of toilets… I’m scared of public bathrooms in seasonal areas like beaches or amusement parks. For some reason, when I am in there, I start thinking about how scary these bathrooms must seem in the off-season when no one is there.
- Also, I am afraid to reach into the tank of a toilet. The floating thing in there reminds me of a buoy. So, if my toilet starts running, too bad. It has to wait until my husband gets home to reach in and jiggle the little lever.
- Pool drains. Absolutely terrified of pool drains. I cannot come within one foot of one.
- Okay, so this one isn’t a crippling, debilitating fear, but it is definitely a strong concern. I have a fear of being impaled while driving. You know, if I am ever following a logging truck or something (because that is so common in Indiana, um, not) and the thin, sharpened logs come loose and one might spear through my chest. Yeah. It could happen.
- I don’t like my closet doors open while I sleep. They need to be tightly closed. I think deep down, I am afraid that something paranormal is hidden in my closet and will come out in the middle of the night. But of course, the flimsy little latch on my door will definitely keep it contained. (Hey- I told you my fears are irrational).
And if we’re going to talk about how strange I am, I might as well mention my odd compulsions. I have a couple of them.
- For some reason, and I don’t know why, but I strongly prefer my car radio to be set at number 8. If not number 8, then it defintely should be an even number. I don’t think that something bad will happen to me if it isn’t, but I still strongly prefer it.
- I need to have my bedroom doors wide open at night. I don’t know why, but I don’t like it if it is half shut.
So, there you have it. My strange, unexplainable, irrational fears. But I know that I’m not the only one… the guy at the pier yesterday (right after making fun of me for being afraid of buoys) told me that he’s afraid of peanut butter. Peanut butter! He’s deathly afraid that he will choke on it and die a horrible death of strangulation.
So, obviously, there are some weird fears floating around out there. Feel free to chime in and tell me some of yours… If you do, I might start feeling a little more normal because after reading this list, I have to admit. My son might be right. I might be abnormally weird.